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Here is a post. Why do i feel like my friends hate me? Why is it they normally never drop a hey how are you? Is it because im boring? Is it because its hard to talk to me? Why is it only one person calls me and is like hey are we hanging out? I dont know why i suddenly feel like this. But i am hating it. It makes me feel horribly depressed, its been such a long time since ive felt like this and i hate it. I hate it so much i just want it to go away. Where do i stand with my friends? What is it about me that stops them from doing what they would do with others? Maybe it is my fault for building a wall around my heart. Maybe i lie to others just to try and make my self believe the very same lie. Maybe its because i brag about the little things i have and hold dear to me? Is it because i leave a mile long hole against my family? Maybe it has to do with my trust issues. My fear? My pride? Dear god. Please wash this shit away. Let me meet someone who makes me smile more often? Let me be truly happy with my life. Maybe its because im over working my self? Maybe its because i say things to people because i feel like thats what they want them to hear? I suddenly feel like my whole life is a lie and im just trying to convince my self its better than it really is? Oh Dear. Oh Dear. At times like these i just want to make my self disappear. Its already tomorrow and im still trying to think of what im going to do. I hate having this petty feeling. But i feel like im just tired of saying everything is okay and life is great. Its not. Its not horrible but im just tired physically and mentally. What to do. I would like to just sleep for a week and see what happens after. 

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